


forged by the tundra

by Juliette_November



Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, Dreams and Nightmares, Fix-It of Sorts, Introspection, Light Psychological Horror, M/M, Parental Joe, Relationship Study, post epsidode 9, reki is a good boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 23:22:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29908638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Juliette_November/pseuds/Juliette_November
Summary: The dust has settled and Langa is finally together with Reki, but one insecurity remains. It takes the form of Adam in his dreams.(Langa learns that divergence isn't a choice, but he's not doomed to become a monster)
Relationships: Hasegawa Langa/Kyan Reki, Hasegawa Langa/Shindo Ainosuke | Adam
Comments: 4
Kudos: 58





	forged by the tundra

**Author's Note:**

> This idea lived rent free in my head for a while cuz the concept of fear stood out to me. I didn't expect to actually write it, but episode 9 happened

Just as much as speed, snow is ingrained into Langa’s being. 

It’s in the clarity of his turquoise eyes and how he keeps his hair long and windswept. It’s in his alabaster skin that blushes and sunburns easily. His figure is tall and slender- quite literally forged from speed and snow. 

Flying through the air on his snowboard, he thinks to himself that he really missed this. The view of the steep mountain distorts as he does a daring flip, but this is in his blood too. He lands, kicking up a white flurry, without losing any momentum.

“Nice one!” a familiar cheerful voice calls out. 

Reki finds an incline to launch himself into the air, and when he lands beside Langa, his laughter is contagious. 

Their other friends are here too. Miya, Joe, Cherry, even Shadow. They’re all grinning, though the pair of arch enemies also quip back and forth, as they follow Langa down the trail. 

Another launch point is coming up. “This way!” he directs, giddy with excitement to be sharing this with them. 

Once more, the world distorts like he’s looking at it through a marble. The trick is executed perfectly, but he knows something is wrong when he lands. 

Looking back, he sees that everybody had fallen behind. Instead of teasing them, he yells for them to hurry. 

Somebody shouts back, but Langa is too far ahead now to hear clearly. He tries to slow down, but his body doesn’t listen to him. 

There’s something on the horizon of the mountain and he’s overcome with gut-wrenching fear as it approaches.

_That’s impossible! There shouldn’t be an avalanche here!_

When he squints to get a closer look, it’s not an ordinary avalanche of snow. No, this is a dark wave of inky clouds. He hears echoes of maniacal laughter, as if the darkness speaks directly into his mind. 

Reki and the others are mere specks in the distance now, soon to be caught in the wave. Langa tries to turn back and help them, but he’s possessed, as if his body isn’t his own anymore.

He screams uncontrollably as they’re all swallowed. The ground shakes and the sky darkens to a sickening shade of violet. 

In the blink of an eye, he’s not on his snowboard in the mountains anymore. He’s on a frozen lake with dark clouds encircling as far as he could see. He tries to move, and much to his relief, it seems he has agency of his legs again. 

There’s a silhouette on the other side of the lake and he runs towards it. Ice crackles underfoot, but he doesn’t care.

“Reki!”

A deep chuckle echoes in his head. In a moment of sheer terror, a hand bursts through the ice and grabs his ankle. He can’t even react quick enough to scream as it pulls him down.

“Why do you call his name?” the velvety seductive voice asks. 

The water isn’t cold, but it’s too murky to see anything. 

“He doesn’t understand,” the voice continues when Langa doesn’t answer. “None of them do. You’re a freak, like me.”

“What would you know?!” he shouts into the void.

“I’m the only one for you, my Eve.”

Langa’s eyes snap open at the sound of something hitting the ground. 

Blinking to clear his vision, he realizes that he’s in class. The boy two seats in front of him dropped his textbook, which is what startled him out of his nap.

“Don’t worry, teach didn’t notice,” Reki whispers with a grin and thumbs up.

The tremors of the dream dissipate in Reki’s sunny presence, but Langa can’t shake off the feeling that something foreboding just happened.

“Geez, it’s unfair,” Reki laments dramatically as they’re eating lunch on the rooftop. “You looked so angelic when you fell asleep in class, but I make a total fool of myself whenever I do it.”

“You jumped up shouting my name,” Langa teases. 

Reki huffs and stuffs more fries in his mouth. He kicks back the skateboard with the sauce packets. “Are you okay? You were zoned out all morning.”

“Yea, I think so.”

“You _think_ so?” 

Langa wracks his mind to find the words. The dream is distant now, but one particular detail is less foggy than the rest. “I feel like I didn’t apologize properly for breaking our promise. About not skating with Adam.”

“That’s all water under the bridge,” Reki hurries to assure. “We’re fine now, aren’t we?”

“I mean...” Mentioning the man’s name was a misstep. “I don’t want to be the type of person who leaves others behind without a second thought.”

“You’re not.” Reki frowns, but just as quickly, his face evens again. “That’s all in the past now. Stop worrying about it, okay?” He sidles up to Langa, leaning into the crook of his shoulder. 

“Okay.” That wasn’t the right way for Langa to explain, but it seems that’s the end of the conversation. And also, Reki is warm against him. He pulls them closer together.

They sit in peaceful silence, just watching the white clouds overhead. 

“By the way,” Reki says, “your hair smells different. Is it a new shampoo? I like it.”

“Thanks,” Langa stammers, grateful that Reki can’t see how his whole face heats up. “I just get whatever brand is on sale.”

Even before moving to Japan, where there’s a bit of a language barrier, he was a withdrawn person. He’s not used to people noticing minute details about him. If it was anyone else, it’d make him uncomfortable, but with Reki...it’s nice. 

The rest of the day passes in the calm sort of monotony. Before he knows it, it’s nighttime. 

“Now where were we, before we got interrupted?”

It’s icy and snow flurries howl in the distance. Looking down, Langa sees that the frozen lake is replaced by barren ground. A tundra. 

Looking up, he comes face to face with piercing ruby eyes. 

“Adam.”

The amused smile curves into something wicked that promises the enticement of danger. “I was saying that you and I are alike. You’re growing into such a beautiful monster.”

He sees afterimages of blood. It ignites a blaze of anger and he lunges to grab Adam by the lapels of his ostentatious costume. “You and I are nothing alike! What you did to Reki and to Cherry without a single bit of remorse- I could never!”

The small display of violence only excites Adam. “It’s not good to deny yourself. That’s why you can’t stop thinking about it. You can’t stop thinking about me,” he chuckles. 

As infuriated as Langa is by the statement, he refuses to throw a punch. 

With a sigh, Adam shakes himself out of the hold. He reaches for his cigarettes and ignites one. The tiny red flame is nothing compared to the scorching ruby of his eyes. 

“You abandoned them. You became a monster,” Langa argues. He was never one for such direct and harsh words, but Adam makes it easy.

When Adam blows out a puff of smoke, the tundra darkens. The murky clouds are so thick that it’s difficult to see even an arm’s reach ahead. “I became what I was always meant to be. You’ll understand soon enough.”

“You’re wong!” he shouts, waving an arm to clear the suffocating scent of tobacco. “I will _never_ let that happen!”

A dark laugh comes from the two red demonic pinpoints. The laugher gets more and more hysterical until it drowns out the billowing wind. 

A narrow path in the smoke clears in front of Langa. 

_A way out!_

He’s hopeful as he begins to run towards it, but stops dead in his tracks. 

The vision is straight from his most grotesque fears. 

His mother, his friends, even classmates he only met in passing- their bodies lay in a macabre trail. Red paints the path like a mockery of guiding light. 

He wants to run away.

He wants to get closer. 

Among the corpses, there’s a shadow of movement. 

“Reki!”

Langa is frozen in his tracks again when he sees absolute disgust in those amber eyes. 

Reki’s mouth opens to speak. His voice comes out scratchy and wrong. “What are you?”

_I don’t know. Please don’t blame me._

He wants to run to Reki and protect him, even if it means stepping over the bodies of people they know, but his legs don’t work. Nothing works. He can’t even speak. Wind cuts against his skin, chilling him to the bone.

Clicks and taps of dancing shoes echo louder than the shrieking wind. “You misunderstand, my love.” Adam’s voice consoles, though it makes Langa feel nothing of that sort. “You talk like you even have a _choice_.”

Like a ragdoll, Reki’s body drops with a look of terror forever petrified into his soulless eyes. Disgust was bad, but fear is much worse. 

As quickly as it came, the wind stops and the silence is deafening. Langa’s knees buckle but he can’t look away. 

The dancing footsteps are right next to him before Adam stops to block the view. His red eyes are absolutely ablaze with excitement. 

A part of Langa is relieved not to be looking at the horrific view, but the larger part of him wants to shove Adam away, because those are his loved ones and he must help them!

There’s no air. The absence of the windstorm took away his ability to breathe. It’s as if he can’t live without some form of chaos. Some form of danger. 

“It looks like you’re having trouble.” Adam’s face is so close now, and although his features behind the mask are twisted, he’s still handsome. 

Langa tries to deny it, but his windpipe catches like it’s full of sharp razors. 

“Don’t worry. I will breathe life into you. After all, you were made for me and I for you. My Eve.”

Adam’s lips get closer. 

Part of Langa wants to scramble back, but another part of him wants to lean in because he needs to _breathe_. In the end, he’s still rooted to the spot as Adam locks their lips together.

Finally, blessed air fills his lungs. It’s even better when he was deprived of it before, and now, he understands. 

He and Adam are one and the same. Forged from the same rawness that craves primal exhilaration...

And he wakes with a gasp to the sound of an alarm. 

Air fills his lungs again, but somehow, this is different. 

Different, how? He can’t remember. 

With a deep breath, he pushes aside the hair sticking to his forehead. He’ll need to hurry if he wants to take a shower before school.

“Hey, you sure you’re okay? You look pale. Well, paler than usual,” Reki says with a concerned frown when they meet at the usual spot. 

“I’m alright. Just didn’t sleep well last night.”

“That’s understandable with all those tests coming up.”

They make their way to school while chatting about nothing in particular. With Reki, it’s easy to carry a conversation. He’s good at telling when someone needs him to fill the silence. It’s an admirable trait. 

“By the way, why aren’t you in your uniform?” Langa asks when they’re at the gates. 

“Oh, I’m actually gonna skip,” Reki explains sheepishly. “I procrastinated too much and now, I need a day to hunker down and catch up. I just wanted to keep you company to school.”

“I see,” he replies, feeling touched by the gesture. 

“Unless you wanna skip with me. You look like you could take it easy for today.”

“I doubt you’d bring yourself to get work done if I’m around,” Langa teases.

Reki blushes and laughs in agreement. “Then we’ll meet up for S tonight. I’ll be at your place at nine.”

“Okay.”

They part with a quick kiss. It’s gentle, chasing away some anxious remnants of the restless night.

The school day goes by in a fog. 

Langa isn’t alone anymore. Not since Reki introduced him to everyone and acted as the glue so he could make friendships. Still, things are dull without Reki’s uplifting, yet comforting, aura. 

The shift at the skate shop also goes by in a daze, especially since it’s not busy.

A splash of colour enters his world when he leaves the shop and hears a rambunctious argument. It looks like Joe decided to visit Cherry’s office again and annoy him until he got kicked out.

Joe laughs heartily even when the door is slammed in his face. He turns around and waves when he sees Langa. 

Running over, Langa doesn’t even utter a greeting before one of Joe’s heavy arms drapes across his shoulders and he’s being led somewhere.

“You look like you have something on your mind,” Joe says with friendly firmness that leaves no room for denial. “Why don’t you come over to my restaurant and I’ll cook you some comfort food?”

And that’s how Langa finds himself sitting at the counter. “Nothing too heavy, please,” he requests because he doesn’t want to be fussed over. 

“Don’t want to ruin your appetite for dinner? I’ve seen how you eat,” Joe teases as he works the stove. “You should’ve seen me when I was your age. There’s a reason I have all these muscles.” Still, he obliges the request and offers a plate of light appetizers and a soda. 

“Can I ask you something?” Langa decides to begin the conversation. “Do you think I’m strange? For wanting to skate with Adam back then...and for enjoying it.” He remembers how his own lips curved into a manic smile when they spun together. “I was scared, of course, but it wasn’t all bad. I don’t know how to describe it. Is there something wrong with me?”

Joe sighs and places a hand on his hip. His expression is serious- almost parental. “I figured you’d bring that up eventually.” He crosses the counter and sits in the bar stool beside Langa. “I always say that skateboarders are crazy. You got to have a few screws loose. People like you process fear differently, especially since you were an adrenaline junkie from a young age.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“Nah,” Joe dismisses. “It depends how you choose to look at it. The way I see it, it’s a fact of life. Are you scared of yourself?”

The sudden question catches Langa off guard, but he feels a step closer in the right direction. A step away from something sinister. “I think I am. I rejected it, but maybe that was wrong.”

“You gotta accept yourself, kid.” The smile is back on the easygoing man’s face. “Everyone has parts of themselves that are uncomfortable to look at, but we don’t have to let them define us. Besides, if you ever need some guidance, you can come to me.”

Perhaps there’s some reassurance to be taken. Joe is one of the few people who grew up with Adam. He also got every chance to see Langa for the monster within. If he believes that Langa isn’t doomed to go down the same path, there must be some truth in that. 

“I...” he trails off, unsure how to respond to such a declaration. “Thank you, Joe.”

After the talk, he has a lot to contemplate. He skates home on autopilot, cooks on autopilot, and greets his mother on autopilot. 

He doesn’t say much, just listening to his mother chat about her day. 

The trance is broken when his phone rings in the middle of doing math. 

“Hello, who’s this?”

“What do you mean ‘who’s this?’ I can’t believe you still haven’t saved my number, you airhead,” an annoyed voice berates. “Your boyfriend told me you’ve been off. He figured that whatever is bothering you, he wouldn’t understand. So he asked me, a junior, to talk to you. Geez.”

Reki...put all that thought into it?

“Hi, Miya.” Langa’s at a loss for words again.

“My break is almost over, so you better not waste time,” Miya grumbles. 

He says the first thing that comes to mind. “What do you think of Adam?”

As soon as the question is out, Langa wants to slap himself. His own boyfriend just showed, once again, just how considerate he is. Meanwhile, look at him asking about another man. It’s a bad look.

Strangely, Miya doesn’t judge. “It was complicated,” he answers, sounding uncharacteristically melancholic. “I get it. Well, technically not in the way that you do, but I’d like to think that I get it. For a long time, I put him on a pedestal. I felt like I had nobody else and he was untouchable.”

“But something changed?”

“Yea. I met you idiots,” Miya says with fondness creeping into his tone. “It gave me a different perspective. To some degree, I will always respect and fear Adam, but now, he just seems lonely.”

Loneliness. 

When there isn’t a single person who truly understands. 

All alone in an icy tundra, screaming into the wind.

“Everyone has their versions of loneliness,” Miya continues. “For a while, I despised my past friends, but I realized that they must’ve also felt like they were left behind. Anyways, about Adam, I sort of understand his isolation. So do you.”

Langa’s hand tightens on his phone. “Yea, I do.”

“I’m bad with advice, so all I can say is that I get it. Reki really cares about you, you know?” Coming from anyone else, it would sound admonishing, but there’s none of that in Miya’s tone. 

“I know. I care a lot about him too.”

“Clearly you do, if you’re confronting your feelings for Adam so you could properly be with Reki. I got to go now. See you later tonight.”

“See you,” Langa replies. The coils around his heart loosen a little more.

After the conversation with Miya, he really has a lot to think about. Not to mention, his mind was already frazzled from pouring over his math textbook. 

There’s still an hour before it’s time to leave. Deciding to sleep on it, he sets his alarm for a nap. 

“We meet again. You just can’t stay away from me.”

It’s still the unforgiving tundra, but the darkness of the sky isn’t quite as unnerving as before.

“Well? What forbidden avenues would you like to explore this time?” Adam smirks as he reaches his hand out, like a prince asking for a dance. 

“You were wrong,” Langa says resolutely. His heart begins to pound as the wind picks up, but he will stand his ground. “You act like you didn’t have a choice to become who you are, but you did. I have a choice too.”

“No, no,” Adam chuckles, shaking his head. His blue hair is absolutely wild in the storm. “After everything, you still refuse to see the truth. What more would it take for you to accept me?”

It’s so easy to step closer, to get closer to danger. Perhaps the fear reaction is something he truly honed from a young age, or perhaps he’s just counterintuitive. “I _am_ accepting you. Maybe I am a little twisted and broken, and I have these instincts that most people don’t. I can still choose to stand by the people I love.”

“They’ll leave you!” Adam laughs with manic glee. “One day, they’ll leave you or you’ll leave them. It’s all the same! You will see that there’s nobody more perfect for you than me! You won’t get rid of me!”

“That’s not what I’m saying. I accept you. We’re the same in some ways, and I accept that,” he corrects with a gentle smile. Words that genuinely express how he feels are usually difficult, but talking to Adam makes it easier, for better or for worse. The approaching windstorm gives him strength. 

He closes the space between them and pulls Adam into a hug. 

Their body temperatures are the same, just as he expected. 

“After all,” Langa has to stand on his tiptoes to whisper into Adam’s ear. “You’re not actually him.”

With an enraged shout, Langa is pushed back. He stumbles on the icy terrain, but doesn’t fall. When he looks back up, he doesn’t see cobalt hair, ruby eyes, and an animalistic grin anymore.

He meets his own blazing turquoise eyes and furious expression. 

“No, no, no! That’s not what I wanted to hear at all!” the reflection screams while tearing at his hair. “I will never stop giving you grief!”

It’s terrifying to come face to face with the image of his worst outcome. “So be it,” he replies, feeling the corners of his lips stretch into that unwilling anxious smile. 

The reflection crumples, caving in on himself, and stays. 

After a long stretch of silence, Langa wonders if he should say something else. Just as that thought occurs to him, the reflection springs up like a predator honing in for the kill. 

Overcoming Adam’s love hug was probably the most harrowing thing he ever did, but it’s worse seeing himself contort like a grotesque marionette. 

There’s no time for a proper reaction. He runs on instinct alone. Not moving, not blinking. 

The horrific reflection phases through him like a wisp. Sadistic laughter fades away like a distant memory. 

_Is it over now?_

Just as Langa breathes a sigh of relief, a hand clasps his shoulder. 

For a moment, he fears that he’ll have to face an even more powerful illusion. He jolts around to come face to face with his own turquoise eyes, but grey hair and smile lines of a life well lived but was over too soon.

“Dad.”

“Well spoken, my son,” Oliver rejoices with a lopsided grin. “I’m sorry for taking so long, but it turns out you didn’t need your old man to protect you.”

Langa recalls the frozen lake more clearly now. “That silhouette in the distance...that was you.”

“Sure was.” Oliver pulls them into a tight embrace. “You’ve gotten so tall. It must’ve been hard navigating all this without me.”

He buries his face against a shoulder that once bore the weight of the family. The responsibility will be his one day, but for now, he breathes in the unforgettable scent of aftershave and cologne. “Dad,” he murmurs again. 

_Why did you have to leave too soon?_

_I was so scared!_

_I’m terrified of becoming someone you wouldn’t want me to be!_

All things Langa was scared of saying in the waking world because if he started, he won’t stop until he’s blue in the face. But in the magic of the dreamscape, Oliver knowingly holds him. 

“Listen to me,” Oliver advises gently, and Langa already knows that they don’t have much time here. “Whenever you feel like you’re going to lose yourself, remember all the happy winters we shared. Remember how happy you were when you started skateboarding and how much happier you were to make friends. Even if they won’t understand you perfectly, talk to them. Talk to _him_. Always believe in him, because he will never lead you astray.”

And then, he awakes with tears prickling in his eyes and Reki’s name on his lips.

He scrambles to retain the dream, but it slips through his fingers like sand until the only thing left is the warmth of not being alone. Whatever the dream was, something with finality must have happened. A battle was won, but the war will wage on. 

Smiling to himself, he turns off his alarm. 

Reki’s entire being ignites in brilliant shades of ruby and gold when they meet at the usual spot to speed down the hill together. “You look better than this morning! I’m glad!”

“I feel better too,” Langa replies. He can breathe properly again. There will come moments of doubt when the constricting tightness in his chest returns, but for now, he breathes easy. 

“Lucky you,” Reki pouts. “My brain hurts after all that studying. But it’s finally time to blow off some steam! Which route do you wanna take tonight?”

“Up to you! Wherever you go, I’ll follow!"

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, there was no real Adam cuz he was the manifestation of Langa's own fears and desires
> 
> I wanted to experiment with writing detailed dream sequences and this was strangely fun (even though I freaked myself out a little)  
> Hopefully, Langa in his dreams isn't too ooc~ I headcanon that being around Adam brings out his unrestrained side
> 
> I honestly never expected to write an introspective character study about a skateboarding anime, but I'm pretty sure there's lots of us in this boat ^^
> 
> [come find me on twitter](https://twitter.com/jn_november)


End file.
